The Progressive Blog Alliance HQ

Mr. Tum turned over in bed.
Mr. Tum sighed, and he said,
“Argh.”

Mr. Tum was waking up.
The sun shone on Mr. Tum’s head
As he tossed and he turned in his bed.
Morning had passed,
And noon was coming soon.

Noon meant food for the stomach,
And the stomach meant to have that food.
Mr. Tum had very little to say about it,
For get up he would.
His tossing and turning meant
That he was beginning to suspect his fate.

Poor Mr. Tum.
No control, Mr. Tum?
Think of the joy, Mr. Tum.
No worry, Mr. Tum.
The world is a happy place.
A happy place and a safe place, Mr. Tum.
Your eyelids twitched, Mr. Tum.
You’re losing the battle, Mr. Tum.

A baby-blue eye looked out at the world.
It saw
The sun.
It saw nothing but the sun!
It closed quickly.

Good morning Boys and Girls!

(Our setting is a forgotten supply closet in the bowels of the White House, pretty close to the entrance of that secret tunnel JFK used to sneak out to see women all the time. The closet isn't tiny, and over the years, these three men had met here many times and have therefore taken it upon themselves to make the place as comfortable as possible amid the boxes of junk memorabilia, cleaning supplies from as far back as the early twentieth century plus lots of other once important things. Boxes lining one wall contain thousands of spools of unused, and now, perhaps never to be used, recording tape for some of the old reel-to-reel recorders used by more than one of the upstairs occupants over the years to capture conversations in which they were involved.

I dreamed a dream.

2004 was 1984.

The president was a little boy with a brand new toy -- us. The vice president was Moriarity lavishing favors on his corporate criminal cronies. The secretary of defense was Napoleon swatting mosquitoes with cannon balls, succeeding only in stirring up the swamp and spreading the infestation. The attorney general was Joe McCarthy protecting our civil liberties by taking them from us and locking them up someplace safe. The Supreme Court was the Pope giving legitimacy to a President already duly elected by the people. The Congress was Marie Antoinette contemptuous of common people while turning over the nation’s prosperity to America’s aristocracy.

And the Christian Church was Candide singing, “This is the best of all possible Presidents. It is the right thing to do to impoverish the country. Our children and grandchildren will thank us for frittering away their inheritance. Working long and hard to pay just the interest on this overwhelming debt will make them stronger, more industrious, and more appreciative of the little things in life.”

Good morning Boys and Girls.

(ring)

"Hello?"

"Good morning surrogate."

"Hello. Who is this?"

"This is a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless for the time being."

"Uh... Okay. And you're calling me for what reason?"

"I need to set you straight on a few things."

"I see. Okay. I'll bite. Set me straight on what, exactly?"

"This whole "being liberal" thing. It's over. If you want to stay current, you've got to get with the program. Neo-Conservative is where it's at today."

"Okay. I see. And what do I have to believe?"

"Well, first, you have to understand that having sex in the oval office is the worst offense a president could ever commit this side of treason."

"Uh, and where did you get that idea?"

"It's in the constitution. Somewhere. Anyway, it's really bad."

Middle of the East---Raging gangs of protesters tore through streets, burning buildings, torching vehicles, wreaking havoc across the Middle East today, protesting what they see as the growing global threat of Cartoonism. The lastest victims of this vile philosophy are innocent fundamentalist Muslims. A spokesman for these Muslims spoke to reporters Wednesday---"We were just standing around one day minding our own business as we often do, when all of a sudden we were assaulted by a radical group calling themselves "The Looney of the Tunes".---"They hit us over the head with big wooden bats, they blew us up with bombs, they dropped 10 ton Acme weights on our heads"--- "Many of us saw cute little birdies flying around and around and around"---"The leader of the group calling himself something like "Bugs of the Bunny" kept screaming continuously throughout the attack---What is up with the doc? What is up with the doc?"---"We don't know what he meant by these words all we know is that we are greatly offended by it!"

"The Rich Are Very Different From You and Me."
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Grindstaff Chronicles
And How! They Can Actually Eat
They also can afford better medical care, better housing, better medication, better education, and a remarkably better quality of life. So, Marie Christine said (I don't know where her tongue was) what's wrong with George Bush's budget if it helps the richest of the rich on the backs of the middle and poorer classes? Marie Christine continued, saying that Bush is planning on cutting, grotesquely, sizeable amounts from Medicare and Medicaid, in total she said, he plans to slash funds for 141 programs, none of which, thank you, hurt the rich. In her opinion, this budget is a moral disgrace.

The Grindstaff Chronicles

No Brilliance in This State of the Union Address

President Bush's talk to the nation was so lackluster it put many people to sleep. He said nothing of substance, and the speech will always be characterized more for the shameful facts about his administration that he left out than for anything he did say. Somebody forgot to tell Bush that a State of the Union speech is supposed to be a report on the nation's condition. It is supposed to report to We The People what the government has done in the previous twelve months, and that was glaringly missing. Just as glaringly missing, squandered: our treasure.

[Ghost of Adam S]	Welcome to the Thursday Morning meeting of Imperialists Anonymous. My name is Adam and I am an Imperialist.
[All]	Hello Adam.
[Ghost of Adam S]	Will somebody be so kind as to read "Who"?
[Ghost of Winston C]	My name is Winston and I am an Imperialist.
[All]	Hello Winston.
[Ghost of Winston C]	Who is an Imperialist? Most of us do not have to think twice about this question, we know! Our whole life and thinking was centred in domination in one form or another: the getting and using of resources and finding ways and means to monopolise more. We lived to dominate and dominated to live.

For reasons of possible copyright infringement, we'll leave this meeting of IA, but it continues here.

War Against Conservativism

Let us see then if we cannot in fact eff the ineffable ~ Douglas Adams RIP

Disreputable Lazy Aliens

Blognonymous has obtained an advance copy of the President's State of the Union address:

My fellow Americans, tonight I'd like report to you on the state of our glorious union, but frankly many of you don't seem to feel that things are going well, and so I'm takin' steps to correct that.

World-wide, we're fighting the unending battles of the War on T'rrorism. The t'rrorists are on the run, but of course I can't talk about that because...well...because most of it's classified. Now I know that some Americans think that the situation in Iraq isn't too great. So just to make sure that our media doesn't give any aid or comfort to the enemy, I'm hereby classifying all news from the Middle East...

What do we call a system of beliefs which has millions of adherents, it's own meta-language, proscribed behaviour, ritual, seeks to spread it's influence at the expense of other belief structures, often causing war, and maintains it's tenets in the face of evidence to the contrary?

Religion, right?

1. I am the The Holy Market, who bringeth thee out of bondage. No form of interaction shalt thou haveth outside me. Nor Virtuous shalt thou considereth anything not for Sale, neither anything which Falsely preventeth Holy Sale.
2. Thou shalt associateth not the name of The Holy Market with disaster: for The Holy Market shalt holdeth him guilty who denigrateth Its Holy Name.
3. Observeth the Sabbath day, to keepeth it Holy, as The Holy Market commandeth thee. Six days shalt most of thee Labour, and do all Work thine; but the seventh day a Sabbath is to The Holy Market whenst must thou spendeth thy Surplus in Worship of The Holy Market.
4. Honoreth thy Father and thy Mother, as The Holy Market commandeth thee; that thy Business may be Profitable and thy Righteousness prolonged in Children thine.
5. Thou shalt not Murder thy Customers.
6. Neither shalt thou Adultery committeth; an Abomination it is the Holy Commerce of Marriage to undermineth.
7. Stealing shalt thou not be caught at.
8. Nor discovered in False Witness without Holy Profit shalt thou be.
9. Neither shalt thou ceaseth thy Neighbour's Estate to coveteth.
10. In all things shalt thou planeth, plotteth, schemeth and, failing these Holy Trinity Three, worketh the Goods of the World to Own, in accordance with The Holy Market.

Detroit---North America's second largest automaker has announced that it will cut 25,000 to 30,000 jobs and close 14 plants by 2012. A spokesman for the company stated that the jobs that are being cut are held by Workers and Workers just like Machines are expendable. "We'll sell off a bunch of Machines and if we could we would sell off a bunch of Workers but unfortunately slavery was abolished years ago" the spokesman said with a chuckle. "It sure would be nice to be able to sell off 25 to 30 thousand Workers, damn, can you imagine how that would help the bottom line? he commented with a smile. "All we can do is let them go"---"We really need to change the laws in this country...we can sell off Machinery but not Workers that just doesn't make any sense".

Good morning Boys and Girls.

I just got around to reading DrForbush's column from a couple of days ago.

Made me think of the way a phone conversation might go between a couple of congressmen from opposite parties these days.

"You called?"

"Yes, thanks for getting back to me. This spying thing is going to blow up in our faces if we don't do something. Now they're going after people's browser histories... I mean come on."

"Isn't that about child pornography or something?"

"I don't know. I can't figure it out. All I know is I'm getting letters and phone calls from an awful lot of pissed off people."

"Real people or just constituents?"

"Oh for Christ's sake, EVERYONE is pissed about this crap. These guys are off the leash!"

"Yeah, so?"

"We have to stop them. It would far better if it came from your side of the isle. We're powerless as it stands and even if we could do something it'll just looks partisan when we start screaming "civil rights.""

Flaming Mouse!

So, some 81 year old American idiot threw a mouse into some burning leaves right... and the mouse ran into his house which caught fire! The place and contents were totally destroyed. How cool is that? It's hilarious as well mind: poetic justice. I'm serious: check it.

The sad truth of the matter though is that far from learning a lesson about cruelty, if the daft old bastard is at all like what our society would seem to suggest the vast bulk of westerners believe in, he'll make it his life's mission to eradicate mice from the face of the earth.

It'll be "The war on Rodentism," New Mexico stylee, "Tough on mice, tough on the causes of mice." By extension of course, that means vegetarians also, the pinko cheese eating liberal scum! In fairness, i'm one and i'm eating a cheese and onion pie right now. So there we have it: a clear link between vegetarians and Al Chaeseda: a militant underground network of state sponsored rodentism!

Oh My!

Government is rotten,

Where's the trash bin?,

But wait this doesn't taste that bad,

I think I can stomach it,

At least until it comes back up,

Then I'll just swallow it again.

The Creature crept slowly from the shadows of his wooded hiding place. He was confused at what he saw. Children where dying en-mass in a world of great wealth. There must be some incredible evil that would cause such a level of suffering, could it be a selfishness so indescribable that it has become unreal to the inhabitants? The stench of rotting flesh filled the air mingled with the sweet smell of munitions. This was a land of unbelievable horrors accepted as common place. He saw hectic rushes to gather artificial, momentary satisfactions at an immeasurable cost. He withdrew to the safety of his private darkness where he could no longer see the world outside, it was much too painful to look at directly, and even harder to contemplate internally. This way of being, this system of thought that pervaded the collective consciousness caused his mind to be ripped to pieces . For him there was only one way to escape the misery that flooded his being, and that was to imagine a better place, a better world. A world where the folly of destruction is seen clearly and banished, a rejection of not seeing what stands boldly to be seen, a realization that swatting at flies doesn't kill the beast that attracts them, and a world devoid of divisions devised to control. The Creature lay there, his flesh permeated by religions and philosophies, dogmas and decrees, orders and policies, declarations and genocides and other man-made obstructions, seeking solace in simple wonders, such as the worm crawling under his nose. Oh, to be a creature of heightened awareness, one who eats when hungry, drinks when thirsty and one who doesn't consider duality, merely uniquenesses. One who sees that the complex rests within the simple. A near perfect being. The Creature finds that sanctuary is fleeting, a spark is seen and then vanishes. His final thought before he succumbs to his exhaustion, flashes quickly across his mind; when the beast dies the fear of living free will vanish.

Washington, D.C.---Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the United States will reduce Troop levels in Iraq between 5 and 9 thousand by the spring of 2006. Rumsfeld, who admitted to being accidentally injected with truth serum while inspecting an Iraqi prison, stated that the reason for these reductions at this time was so the U.S. Administration could claim to be "withdrawing troops from Iraq" thus fooling the American people once again. He went on to say that he knows that the number of troops that will be re-deployed is miniscule and insignificant but it makes for great Headlines in the American corporate media, especially on Fox. The Secretary continued as his aides tried to pull him away from the podium---"Those American pundits who are apologists for the President and his foolish policies can now argue that the President is listening to the People."---"It's also a way to trick the Iraqis into believing that the United States has started what will be a complete withdrawal from their country."---"The fact that the United States will never leave Iraq is hidden somewhere in the murky waters of psy-optic propaganda."---" All that matters is that the American people can feel good about something during the Christmas Holidays, and when the American people feel good they go shopping."---"I like to feel good"---"My Doctor makes me feel good, but I don't like it when people interupt the voices in my head, I think it rude, Rude I Say!"---"I like killing things, little things like bunnies and children".

Oy Vey! by Jesus

Christian Fanatics in the United States are becoming very busy with all the battles they're fighting these days---They have the War on Christmas to fight, there are Holiday trees to chop down, they're also busy defending one of their own, President George Bush, who was caught spying on U.S. citizens, and then there's the War on Terror and the War in Iraq, all of these confrontations, that they started themselves, are now becoming tiresome. They're battling the courts to allow their version of how the world came into existence, they've started Culture Wars, Christmas Wars, Foreign Wars all in the name of the Prince of Peace; all of which they seem to be losing. Oh yeah, let's not forget the firestorm of protest over the removal of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama Courthouse and Gay Marriage, two more battles they have no business fighting. With all these self imposed distractions how could they possibly have time to focus on feeding the World's poor or providing homes for the homeless, they could at least be using the media time they use on these "Wars" to make the plight of the homeless a major issue in the U.S., but instead they would rather bring to the attention of an entire Nation the fact that the world's largest retailers aren't using the word Christmas during their season of greed. It's ok if children are being retarded by Capitalism as long as you call it Christmas and put a smiley face sticker on it.  What about battered women or child abuse? They simply don't have time for such non-sense, If I didn't know better I'd think they worship a god of War, Intolerance, Confrontation and Death---oh but wait, I do know better!

Washington, D.C.---Prince George crapped his pants last night upon hearing of the peasant revolt in Bolivia. According to a personal servant, The Prince is reported as having said "Oh shit!"---"Somebody get me another pair of pants! NOW!" It seems that the once enslaved peasants have risen up and taken over the Empire's State of Bolivia. Another servant of the Prince confirmed that the second the Prince was informed of the uprising he heard "fart like" sounds coming from the "pant" area of the Prince. He immediately began to smell something that he described as "crap like". The Prince was rushed to the bathing pool were he was washed from head to toe with perfumes. He was given a variety of narcotics intended to calm his nerves. Officials representing the Prince were called in to explain why the region that lies South of America is experiencing massive peasant revolts when they are living in the shadow of the Empire's great benevolence. "Aren't they happy being my children?" asked a confused Prince. "They just don't appreciate anything." he said in a depressed tone. The Prince continued with a nice relaxing aroma therapy bath (lavender) for the rest of the evening.

I'm spying on you,

You won't mind if I peep,

I know where you live,

I know where you sleep,

I'm spying on you,

Your emails and such,

Your pizza for dinner,

Your sandwich for lunch,

I'm spying on you,

It's not hard to do,

The books that you read,

At library and school,

I'm spying on you,

And in case there's a doubt,

I'm the Big Brother,

You've been reading about.

http://jimihawk.blogspot.com/

I saw the earth and all that was in it,

I looked around and couldn't believe it,

The masses were hungry

Amongst great wealth,

People were starving

With food on the shelf,

The sky was grey

It wasn't quite blue,

It seems that this planet

Is owned by a few,

The land is all bloodied

With ditches and scars,

Weapons of War,

Concrete and bars,

A madness of sorts

Is considered the norm,

A difficult place

In which to be born,

The people are pawns

In a great game of chess,

Praying a god

Will soon give them rest,

It's really a shame

To see such a place,

The only survival

Is chase or be chased,

Sadness and suffering